Thursday, January 08, 2009

New definitions

Bloody hell. This whole ‘first week back to work’ malarkey is just rotten. If only the economists could dream up some way of letting loads of people have an indefinite amount of time off…

Time for some fun. In memory of dear Humph, let’s play Uxbridge English Dictionary. Last time I tried this it worked very well, so I’m sure you can come up with some good ones.

Just suggest some well-known words for which you have identified brand new meanings. Like these:

Mutilation – quiet satisfaction
Eccentric – obsessed with a former lover
Papabile – the Daily Mail
Totally – five per foot
Antidote – affection from a relative
Unclear – inappropriate affection from a relative
Purposeful – a happy, well-fed cat
Finance – a really top-notch bunch of insects
Humphrey – odourless

Only better. Over to you…


Andrew R said...

bewilder - strive to be more like Oscar

combination - a country famed for neatly-coiffured men

constrain - the effort of maintaining a lie

defend - the area where the OAPs sit

strumpet - to attempt to play guitar on one's cat

mattresses - mum's hair

standard - to adopt an aggressive posture

nightowl - the state of being just about to get out of the bath

Anonymous said...

Banal - to kick Bill Clinton's Vice-President out of your pub.

Penile - to urinate so much that you create an African river.

Croissant - What Jonathan Ross gets when he leaves obscene messages on his mum's sister's answering machine.

Headlice - the main stories on the front page of the Daily Mail.

Anonymous said...

Blog - a poo found in a hive.

Post - the street where the Teletubbies live.

Anonymous said...

Subservient : captain's batman in a submarine.

Osculate : Kissing a Hollywood award after hours

Tom Freeman said...

Artichoke – reaction on discovering how much Damian Hirst’s latest has sold for

Maastricht – disciplinarian mother

Groundhog – military occupier

Programme – in favour of metric measurements

Propound – in favour of imperial measurements

Ovaltine – obese adolescent

Myspace – rate at which a rodent runs

Monstrous – a female monster

Anonymous said...

Pastoral - the latter stages of coitus

Concern - to persuade a major European scientific institution that you will pay them a million pounds if they will let you rest your money in their account to avoid tax problems in Nigeria

Tom Freeman said...

Icon – optical illusion

Glutamate – stick close to a friend

Hamas – (1) implements used for hitting in nails; (2) the hindquarters of a pig

Ineffable – sexually unobtainable

Broker – how you feel after talking to yours

Tom Freeman said...

Fundamentalist – give financial support to a psychic

Awkward – in the direction of Mordor

Bible – (1) purchase a bovine male; (2) fall for a pack of lies

Bumbling – jewellery for the posterior