The official list of official things of London 2012

The organisers of the Olympics are rightly picky about which brands can claim ‘official’ status as part of this glorious festival of sport, excellence, money, diversity and money. To clarify matters, here are the things that are allowed to share in the London 2012 aura:

• The official toilet cubicle of London 2012 is the one on the right.
• The official faux pas of London 2012 is picking up someone else’s wine glass.
• The official Jennifer Aniston romcom of London 2012 is Along Came Polly.
• The official common misconception of London 2012 is that the Great Wall of China is visible from space.
• The official serial killer hiding place of London 2012 is in your wardrobe.
• The official half of Jedward of London 2012 is John.
• The official smug yet pointless made-up word of London 2012 is ‘mumpreneur’.
• The official branch of Costcutter of London 2012 is the Cockfosters Costcutter, which is also the official tongue-twister of London 2012.
• The official excuse of London 2012 is that with a coalition government, we all have to make compromises.
• The official number of Connect Four counters of London 2012 is three.

(Based on a meme started by Charlie Brooker.)