Dianaspiracy

The truth finally becomes clear.

We can now conclude, with absolute certainty, that Diana was killed by New Labour assassins disguised as paparazzi. You just have to look at the main things that have happened as a result of her death, and ask: cui bono?

She very clearly died so that Tony Blair could: (a) capture the public’s hearts with his command of empathic, Zeitgeist-grabbing soundbites; (b) boost the Oscar chances of Labour supporter Helen Mirren, thus helping an increasingly tired government retain some celeb sparkle; and (c) use the publication of a report on Diana’s death as media cover for his police interview about loans-for-peerages.

He is even more devious than we had imagined.

And when David Cameron gatecrashes the memorial concert planned for next year to showcase his man-of-the-people act, as he surely will (“She would have wanted me to surgically attach this wind turbine to my arse, so that I could generate green energy every time I talked out of it; truly, I am the people’s ponce”), then we’ll know who is the true heir to Blair…

(‘David Cameron’ is an anagram of ‘A damn Di cover’. What more proof do you people need?!?!?)