Monday, December 01, 2008

Horses’ heads are for wimps

So. I’m on the third floor, wanting to go up to the fifth. I press the ‘up’ button and wait for one of the lifts to arrive. One does, and as its doors open some guy appears from somewhere behind me, breezes into it and presses ‘B’ (for basement - keep up, please).

Thrown momentarily, I neither follow him into the lift nor say ‘actually, that was my lift to go up’. I realise that the ‘up’ summons light has now gone off because the system expected this one to be going up. I need to call another, and as the doors to the hijacked lift close, I press ‘up’ again. The lift doors stop closing and reopen.

This lift clearly still thinks it’s supposed to be going up (which makes two of us), and it’ll think that until the doors have had a chance to close and new directions been given. Then it’ll take this miserable interloper down to his Basement of Treachery, and only after it’s set off will I be able to summon a new one. Or I could perfectly well just hop in to it, press ‘5’ and it’ll go to 5. But then I’ll have to share the lift with this shiftless cur, with each of us trying not to glower at and/or knife the other.

So I let the doors to the lift close again. Almost. Then I press ‘up’ again, and the doors reopen. Given where I’m standing, he can’t see me.

I do this to him another four times.

Then I let him go. Satisfied, I call another lift and get on with my day.

Do not cross me. My vengeance is swift and terribly silly.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I'm cruder than you - I would've got in the lift and immediately farted.