Bloody hell. This whole ‘first week back to work’ malarkey is just rotten. If only the economists could dream up some way of letting loads of people have an indefinite amount of time off…
Time for some fun. In memory of dear Humph, let’s play Uxbridge English Dictionary. Last time I tried this it worked very well, so I’m sure you can come up with some good ones.
Just suggest some well-known words for which you have identified brand new meanings. Like these:
Mutilation – quiet satisfaction
Eccentric – obsessed with a former lover
Papabile – the Daily Mail
Totally – five per foot
Antidote – affection from a relative
Unclear – inappropriate affection from a relative
Purposeful – a happy, well-fed cat
Finance – a really top-notch bunch of insects
Humphrey – odourless
Only better. Over to you…
8 comments:
bewilder - strive to be more like Oscar
combination - a country famed for neatly-coiffured men
constrain - the effort of maintaining a lie
defend - the area where the OAPs sit
strumpet - to attempt to play guitar on one's cat
mattresses - mum's hair
standard - to adopt an aggressive posture
nightowl - the state of being just about to get out of the bath
Banal - to kick Bill Clinton's Vice-President out of your pub.
Penile - to urinate so much that you create an African river.
Croissant - What Jonathan Ross gets when he leaves obscene messages on his mum's sister's answering machine.
Headlice - the main stories on the front page of the Daily Mail.
Blog - a poo found in a hive.
Post - the street where the Teletubbies live.
Subservient : captain's batman in a submarine.
Osculate : Kissing a Hollywood award after hours
Artichoke – reaction on discovering how much Damian Hirst’s latest has sold for
Maastricht – disciplinarian mother
Groundhog – military occupier
Programme – in favour of metric measurements
Propound – in favour of imperial measurements
Ovaltine – obese adolescent
Myspace – rate at which a rodent runs
Monstrous – a female monster
Pastoral - the latter stages of coitus
Concern - to persuade a major European scientific institution that you will pay them a million pounds if they will let you rest your money in their account to avoid tax problems in Nigeria
Icon – optical illusion
Glutamate – stick close to a friend
Hamas – (1) implements used for hitting in nails; (2) the hindquarters of a pig
Ineffable – sexually unobtainable
Broker – how you feel after talking to yours
Fundamentalist – give financial support to a psychic
Awkward – in the direction of Mordor
Bible – (1) purchase a bovine male; (2) fall for a pack of lies
Bumbling – jewellery for the posterior
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