England’s coming home

On this black day, The Daily Mash speaks for the nation:

England are heading home from the World Cup today after state-of-the-art video technology showed the ball crossing their goal line many, many times.
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The use of television has been a source of controversy in the sport, but experts insist it offers a fool-proof method for determining whether a team is good at football or whether it is simply a collection of absurdly over-compensated, second-rate commercial brands with ghastly, vulgar wives, locked in a sado-masochistic relationship with a cretinous media that merely reflects a society that has taken its natural intelligence, its sense of perspective and its values and violently drowned them all in a bucket of piss.
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Meanwhile, central defender John Terry finally arrived back in England's 18-yard box last night only to find that everyone else had gone home. He eventually got out of the stadium after climbing over a fence.