A-level standards row as ugly fat kids get top grades

Universities, employers’ organisations and other commentators united today to condemn the latest set of A-level results, which shows a record rise in the number of unattractive and overweight students getting straight A grades.

Quentin Leer-Sneer, picture editor of the Times, commented:

It simply beggars belief that all these spotty, fat, cheaply dressed pram-faced chavs are really earning these grades on their own merit, when they are surely better suited to a life of menial supermarket work, manual labour, or preferably crime and unemployment. Certainly any exam system that suggests we should publish photos of them to celebrate their so-called ‘achievements’ is a national disgrace.