Cameron blames Brown for wisteria claims

By our correspondent Frank Blunt

Conservative leader David Cameron has laid the blame for the parliamentary expenses scandal squarely with Gordon Brown. “It is a measure of Labour’s Debt Crisis that even I could be bamboozled into claiming a load of money for the mortgage on my second home. Or possibly my third. Whatever.

“And the fact that I kept claiming for this even after I had started demanding the system be reformed just shows how badly Labour’s Age of Irresponsibility has broken our society.”

Meanwhile, Cabinet papers leaked to the Chilcot Inquiry revealed that Brown himself may have been involved in planting the unruly wisteria that so expensively besmirched Cameron’s beautiful home. Cameron said that there would be “no limit to the amount I would claim on expenses to clear him out. Gordon Brown cannot reform the institution because he is the institution. Whereas under the Conservatives, l’état, ca sera moi.”

“How Gordon Brown can claim to be a reformer with a straight face I just don’t know,” he added, hardly smirking at all.