Layabout, GSOH, seeks wife (no kids) for welfare dependency

The Tories, bless their little back-to-basics cotton socks, have come up with the crafty wheeze of throwing taxpayers’ money at married couples, regardless of whether the couples are parents or not. A tax allowance of £20 a week – that’s over a grand a year! – will support couples where one partner doesn’t work.

So, ladies (he says, with all the charm of a Brylcreemed skunk): how’s about it? We don’t have to bother with children, we don’t have to like each other at all, we don’t even have to both keep working. And I promise I’ll be completely supportive of you continuing your career.

And in return, we’ll get £££s! (Paid for by the undesirable elements in society, such as single parents and cohabiting couples.)

Sounds pretty good, huh?