Hell is other people

The Conservative Party is inviting me to “join the government of Britain”.

Here are some of the other people they’ve sent invitations to:

• My boss
• My boss’s boss
• Kerry Katona
• Piers Morgan
• Cab drivers
• Estate agents
• Bankers
• Disgraced former MPs
• Nick Griffin
• My weird neighbour
• That kid I hated at school
• Those bastards who still haven’t been convicted of Stephen Lawrence’s murder
• People who find the ITV early evening news too complicated to follow
• People who apply for all those incomprehensibly-titled public sector jobs in the Guardian but get turned down because they’re too petty-minded
• The tenor in the Gocompare ads
• In fact, everyone involved in producing any insurance ad
• Jan Moir
• Simon Cowell
• People who feel that they really understand what it’s like to be poor because they’ve had to give up the gîte
• People whose prejudices are as 1950s as the radioactive sunset on Labour’s manifesto cover

What could possibly go wrong?